Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

I've had a fabulous weekend. Mother's Day always brings mixed emotions for me. I'm overwhelmed with how blessed I am to have my perfect Mom, Debbie. And blessed to have a wonderful Mother-in-Law, Sandi. I also reflect on all the women in my life who have helped and supported me throughout my life, Grandmas, Aunts, sisters, cousins, etc. It's more of a "women's Day" for me.

It was just a few Mother's Days back that I was in the middle of miscarrying a hopeful 2nd pregnancy that came 8 months after my first pregnancy, which was medically terminated for possible life threatening reasons. It was one of the most trying and growing times of my
personal life. And while I seriously disliked the "holiday" and tried to focus on my mom instead of being a mom - A certain appreciation developed for this special day we celebrate motherhood. 

    I love the talk by Sheri L Dew, "Are We Not All Mothers?"  She says it all best.

My heart is full to be so blessed to have Scarlett as my daughter. I get to be a mom to one of the most beautiful, bright, tender, and sassy daughter's of God who is blossoming with personality. I'm so excited to meet my son, and recognize how blessed I am to have this opportunity to mother another
spirit entrusted to Seth and I.

Seth got me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've evvvvveeer received!! AND - he got me a crepe maker. Mmmmmm. That could be seriously bad news.
Saturday night, last night, we went and splurged at the IMAX and saw The Avengers in 3D - such a great movie! Extremely entertaining.
Today - We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, had a seriously great time at church, and had a delicious steak dinner with Aubrey & Davin (and Preston & Claire). It really has been a very wonderful last few days.

And I'm totally convinced, as I have before but it was reassured this past week, Sometimes you just gotta let it all out - have a serious good cry. And life is 100x better. I had a few this week actually - and I've been flying high ever since. Ha ha ha, Just let it alllll out!

Isn't she a doll!?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Silly Things

Occasionally I'll read a friend's post on their blog about the "real life" stuff and the "burst the happy bubble" news going on for them. Some blogs are just full of great days, memories, and events that don't happen on a daily basis so it gives somewhat of an unrealistic view of what life really is like for them. Which, I am guilty of I guess... But I really don't blog a ton. I use blogging as a family journal and documentation. I use my personal journal for the deep thoughts, hard times, trials, etc.

Well here is my real life post. A post of ramblings. I tend to be a negative snowball effect type of person. When one little tiny negative thing finds it's way in the middle of my happy, planned out day/week/life it rolls along into this huge negative ball that completely wipes out my happy, planned out day. I much rather just be able to kick it to the side and carry on with my expected day.

But no, I let the negative flood gates down and it all comes spilling out. Today, was my big day at the hospital... I had my 34 week OB appointment, then off to Radiology for my Amniotic Fluid ultrasound, and then to labor & delivery for a fetal non-stress test. Scarlett came with me - it turned out to be a 2 1/2 hour outing. We came prepared for it - Scarlett had her Dora backpack filled with her baby, books, toys, snacks, and a drink. So of course nothing could throw off my expected lengthy time at the hospital, because I was prepared!!

It really did go quite well. Actually she was amazing up until the last 10 minutes. I couldn't have expected better really. Baby brother is healthy, I have a very healthy pregnancy,  Scarlett made many people laugh and smile with her cuteness, it was an uplifting event. Until I got home and realized 2 hours later that my iPod touch was not in my purse, and not in the car. No where. I called the OB, Radiology, and L&D - no one has seen it. I know I used it last at Radiology - without a doubt, I know it. So of course my mind is fixed on the two gals waiting in Radiology with us probably picked it up after I had left it and are currently enjoying my games on it, and their free- new iPod touch with the most darling purple flowered case.

Well, despite the wonderful time we had together tonight as a mom, dad, and daughter... the laughs and giggles we shared, sitting down at the table eating a delicious grilled chicken meal by the dad, and a pat on the back for actually cleaning the dishes, kitchen, vacuuming, having a clean apartment before going to bed - it all doesn't matter b/c I lost my iPod!!!! It's a stupid electronic device!

But when I let my guard down, I can think of 100's of things I need to or should be doing. And maybe if I was doing those things, the fact that I may never see my iPod again wouldn't matter. So then I'm a failure at life as a whole. Ha ha ha.... Like we don't save enough money, I didn't need to buy those clothes for Scarlett, I should have cooked more last week instead of just this week so we'd have more money to save for the large amounts of medical bills beginning to stack up because of these extra tests and monitoring the OB is wanting to do. Which I don't really think is necessary, but it is better safe than sorry! And I will have a healthy baby boy after this is all over with and the bills are paid - so it doesn't really matter. But it puts added stress on Seth, who is already working so hard and work has been insanely busy for him. Work is beginning to really wear down on him, and he is working the 7 am shift now, it doesn't help that I keep him up with my own personal stresses and bothers when he has so much on his own plate and he's trying to get to sleep early to get the rest he needs. How do I buy him something he'll like for his Birthday coming up, and I want him to feel like he can splurge on me for mother's day. And it's just money anyway, we barely have a credit card balance, or student loans, and we have savings - so it'll all end up okay anyway. and money this and money that. I can't be too stressed about it, b/c I don't want Seth to be. We just need to stick to a budget. If I was reading my scriptures daily this won't be such a burdensome thing on me, and I'd be more in tune with what I should be doing and wouldn't get so stuck on the small things. And I'd see the bigger picture more clear everyday. And if I exercised and didn't have to have ice cream every night I would have more energy and feel better about myself. And wouldn't worry or assume what people are thinking about me when they see me b/c it wouldn't matter b/c I would be confident in how I am and look.

But I am happy. I am so happy! And so blessed. And wouldn't want life any other way. Then I go in and watch Scarlett sleep, and just want to pick her up and hold her sleeping and realize what really matters all over again. And plan out the next day, how I will spend even more quality time with her, She gives me hope for a brighter tomorrow. And hope to become a better person with the gift of tomorrow to be her mom and to nurture her. That's all that really matters. And then all that other stuff really does fade away.

The last two nights have been hard for me to fall asleep. Which is sooooo abnormal for me, Usually my head hits the pillow and I'm out! But I've been waking up every hour, just laying in bed. Not even to pee! Not even b/c I'm too uncomfortable to sleep!!

When I get in the "my world is falling apart" moments, which seem to happen too often. It just takes a new day, or a happy moment with what matters (Seth or Scarlett) and then I can laugh at that falling apart moment I was so sure of. I wish I would remember in the moments my world is crumbling, that I will come to my senses in a short matter of time so it's useless to let anything crumble at all.

Life is too precious and too fragile to get caught up in electronic devices or nonsense crumbling moments. Deep breaths and renewed hope - life is manageable again. Life is good.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Whatever will entertain her...

She surely doesn't look excited, but she was all about trying on a mask when we were at the hospital yesterday. It had Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy on it! I'm grateful for anything that keeps her entertained and occupied while we go to the hospital twice a week for fetal non-stress tests on Baby Brother!! 

Everything is going very well in the pregnancy. They have just been monitoring my blood pressure, Amniotic fluid, placenta function, baby boy's movements, etc. twice a week. Which will go on until I deliver. Party on... 

I've taken Scarlett with me 2 of the 3 times so far. The nurse, and my sister Alicia both recommended I bring her so when baby does come she isn't nervous about me being in the hospital or on a bed, with monitors, etc. It hasn't even phased her. I'm glad she comes along with me though, and for the most part behaves pretty well and has been easy going. 

I was thinking about about my induction date some more... And after talking to my mom - she brought up the point that the doctors probably don't do inductions on Sundays... duh. So I wouldn't be induced on father's day anyway.... So the chances of me having a Father's Day baby are pretty, very slim. So we'll see how things go, but I'm thinking I'll be induced as early as they'll let me. :)

That means it's seriously time to get that nesting in. I'm due NEXT month! In less than 6 weeks, Yikes!

Happy May Day!

Happy May Day! 

May 1st, is May Day. It's a European holiday, but some part of the United States celebrate it. I grew up in Iowa, and we would make May Day baskets to pass around to "ding dong ditch" to friends and neighbors. The baskets we made were paper cones and had popcorn and candy inside. So Sunday Scarlett and I made some baskets so we would be prepared to drop them off at our friend's houses before I had to get to work.  
 It was rainy this morning, so Scarlett was quite bundled up. She insists on wearing this vest about every other day!
Lily's May Day basket! Since it was before 9 am, we didn't ring the door bell...
She insisted on carrying the rest of the baskets and supplies to the car.... Scarlett loves "helping" so much, she really takes charge sometimes, okay - most of the time!
Lexi's basket...

We got popcorn everywhere. You're not suppose to get caught giving a may day basket, b/c then the person who caught you can run and give you a kiss! I love this photo that shows Popcorn down the car "step", you can't see it very well but there is actually popcorn all the way down the sidewalk. I wish I would video tape moments like these.
Owen's Basket!

A co-worker gave everyone a flower for May Day. I thought it was so awesome Scarlett and I just finished delivering baskets and here someone was giving me a May Day flower! She is from Missouri, go figure. I kind of love how unpopular this tradition/holiday is... but really loved sharing this tradition/holiday with a co-worker!!

And that's May Day for you! 

When I was in elementary school, one year we decorated a May Day Pole, kind of like this:

Yay for fun traditions that brighten your day and a special moment of happiness to share with others.